he's a keeper

my neighbor and i have a joke about building a dictionary for all the terms that our generation uses to abbreviate slang. clearly, sometimes 3 syllable words are so laborious to sound out that they are butchered into words like, obvi and totes. as an x- reading teacher this pretench way of speaking is so abhorrent to me that it borders on repugnant.

so today, i receive a text message from jeremy- who seemed normal enough when i met him at a party months ago, but i haven't seen or heard from him since. so oddly, he tries to open the door up again with the lamest attempt at spitting game i've ever seen. here's the message:

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emily its jeremy. i saw ur nmber stl in phone. we dnced at cole st hourse party n i liked that. thght id let u knw i hve salad grns if u njoy that sort, holla.
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beyond this shoddy attempt at rekindling what never, my distaste was further flared at the vague, possibly sexual innuendo that this text presented. what the hell does salad grns mean anyway? was young jeremy being cheeky and hoping i was down for salad? if he's referring to pot then he obviously doesn't know me. either way, this text representing one gigantic fail and needed to be addressed lest he think this kind of laziness was acceptable on any level. i responded with the following:

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Fer srius? Salad grns need tossin? WTF? U Shld git ur shizzle togetha be4 u holla at a grl.
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UPDATE...jeremy responds with the following:

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... grns for eatin or use as culinary HerbS is what im sharin. keep that quik wit n byte cutie.
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